you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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