She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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