Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Randomize
