Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
