Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
