He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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