The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
