It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
