This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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