Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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