I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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