she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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