You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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