Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
