I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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