so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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