She announced her abortion via fbk
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
