Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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