I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
