like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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