well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I could fuck to npr.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
