Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
