can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
