I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
