some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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