Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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