I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
