i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
