i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I could make wine with my vomit
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
