I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Randomize
