I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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