I want to have your abortion
i already hear my dad disowning me
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
