have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
