so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
