i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
