In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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