i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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