david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
