There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
