Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
