remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
