...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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