Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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