I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
