Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
