so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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