Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
