One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize