I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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