Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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