erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
