I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
