I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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