**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
