I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
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