We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize