Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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