I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
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somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
All I want is dick and wine.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize