she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
