I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
