I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
