im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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