you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Randomize
