I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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