broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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