I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
