its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I still have a little drunk in my system
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
