I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
