no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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