I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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