Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
