I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
