Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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