Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
