smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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