we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
