Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
