Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I wish there were birth control emojis
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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