i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
