is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
