Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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