And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Small penises have feelings too.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
