Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
