I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
