Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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