she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
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Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Also, beer. Big fan.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
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They have beer where we have blood.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.