Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
