Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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