We won't sleep together?
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
