so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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