apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
